Playfulness at Home, Dignity in Public: Lessons from the Prophet ﷺ, Sahaba, and Scholars.
1. Practice of Prophet peace be upon him.
2. Order of Prophet peace be upon him.
3. Practice of Sahaba.
4. Quotes of few scholars
𝟭. 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗵𝗲𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗯𝗲 𝘂𝗽𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝗺.
𝗮) 𝗜𝗯𝗻 𝗔𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱:
( فكه ) في حديث أنس ” كان النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم من أفكه الناس مع صبي ” الفاكه : المازح ، والاسم : الفكاهة . وقد فكه فهو فكه وفاكه . وقيل : الفاكه ذو الفكاهة ، كالتامر واللابن . ( هـ ) ومنه حديث زيد بن ثابت ” أنه كان من أفكه الناس إذا خلا مع أهله ” .
In the hadith of Anas: “The Prophet ﷺ was among the most light-hearted (playful) of people with a child.”
Al-fākih means one 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗷𝗼𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘀 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗳𝘂𝗹, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗿/𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀…
From Zayd ibn Thābit: “He was among the most playful of people when he was alone with his family.”
[An-Nihāyah fī Gharīb al-Ḥadīth wa al-Athar 3/466]𝗯). 𝗔𝗯𝘂 𝗜𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗮𝗹 𝗛𝗮𝗿𝘄𝗶 (𝗱 𝟮𝟮𝟰 𝗔𝗛) 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱:
قوله: من أفكه الناس: الفاكه في غير شيء، وهو هاهنا: المازح، والاسم منه الفكاهة، وهي المزاحة.
والفاكه – في غير هذا – : الناعم،
His statement, “among the most playful of people”, means al-fākih in a general sense; 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗷𝗼𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁-𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱. The noun derived from it is fukāhah, meaning joking and playful banter.
As for al-fākih in other contexts, it can mean comfortable or at ease. [Gharīb al-Ḥadīth li-l-Harawī 5/179]
𝟮. 𝗢𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗵𝗲𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗯𝗲 𝘂𝗽𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝗺.
a) The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲𝘀.” [Tirmidhi]
Munawi explains that this includes being patient with them, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗿𝗳𝘂𝗹, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. [Munawi, Fayd al-Qadir, islamqa]
𝟯. 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗦𝗮𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗮.
𝗮) 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗭𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗯𝗶𝗻 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁.
Thabit ibn ‘Ubayd said,
: مَا رَأَيْتُ أَحَدًا أَجَلَّ إِذَا جَلَسَ مَعَ الْقَوْمِ، وَلاَ أَفْكَهَ فِي بَيْتِهِ، مِنْ زَيْدِ بْنِ ثَابِتٍ.
“I have not seen anyone more serious when he sits with the people 𝗻𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗮𝗹 (𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗳𝘂𝗹) 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗭𝗮𝘆𝗱 𝗶𝗯𝗻 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁.” [Adab al Mufrad Book 14, Hadith 286 (Sahih al Albani)]
𝗯). 𝗨𝗺𝗮𝗿 𝗯𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗹 𝗞𝗵𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗯 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱:
ينبغي للرجل أن يكون في أهله مثل الصبي، فإذا التمس ما عنده وجد رجلا”.
𝗔 𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆, but when what he possesses is sought, he is found to be a man.’ (Al-Dīnawarī in *Al-Mujālasah)
Al-Bayhaqī narrated from Umar in Al-Shu‘ab al Iman
” ليعجبني الرجل أن يكون في أهل بيته كالصبي، فإذا ابتغي منه وجد رجلا “.
𝗜 𝗮𝗱𝗺𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱, but when something is needed from him, he is found to be a man۔ (Shu’ab al-Īmān, Volume 10, Page 489 both disconnected chains but the meaning is Sahih)
𝗰) 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗔𝗯ū 𝗨𝗺ā𝗺𝗮𝗵 𝗮𝗹-𝗕ā𝗵𝗶𝗹ī, 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱:
إِنِّي لَأَبْغَضُ الرَّجُلَ أَنْ يَكُونَ ضَيْفًا عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ . قَالَ : فَقِيلَ : وَمَا الضَّيْفُ عَلَى أَهْلِ الْبَيْتِ ؟ قَالَ : الرَّجُلُ الشَّدِيدُ الْخُلُقُ – أَوِ السَّيِّئُ الْخُلُقُ – فِي أَهْلِهِ ، إِذَا دَخَلَ هَابَتْهُ الْمَرْأَةُ وَالشَّاةُ وَالْخَادِمُ وَالْهِرُّ ، كُلُّهُمْ يَخَافُ أَنْ يُصِيبَهُمْ بِشَرٍّ قَبْلَ أَنْ يَخْرُجَ ، فَذَلِكَ كَأَنَّهُ ضَيْفٌ عَلَى أَهْلِهِ
“‘Indeed, I truly detest that a man should be a “guest” among the people of his own household.’
It was said to him: ‘What does it mean for a man to be a guest among his household?’
He replied: ‘𝗔 𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝘀𝗵 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝗹𝗹-𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆. 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗽, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗮𝗻𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗵𝗶𝗺, 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗮𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗺 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲𝘀. Such a man is as though he were a guest among his own family.’ [Tahdhib al-Athar, Musnad ‘Umar, Vol. 1, p. 417]
𝟰. 𝗤𝘂𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗳𝗲𝘄 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗮𝗿𝘀.
𝗮) 𝗔𝗹-𝗕𝘂𝗸𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗶 may Allaah have mercy upon him said in his Saheeh:
“Chapter: 𝗧𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻.”
𝗯) 𝗔𝗹-𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗮𝘄𝗶 may Allaah have mercy upon him said: “𝗣𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘆.” (Fayd al Qadir, Islamweb)
𝗰) 𝗮𝗹-𝗠𝘂𝗻𝗮𝘄𝗶 (𝗔𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗵 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗰𝘆 𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝗺) 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀:
المرأة التي قعد لها يريد جماعها وأخذوا منه أنه يسن مؤكدا تقديم المداعبة والتقبيل ومص اللسان على الجماع وكرهوا خلافه
“Foreplay, kissing and sucking the tongue (or passionate kissing) before sexual intercourse is a sunnah muakadah, and it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise.” (Faidh al-Qadir, 5/90, Shamela See: Hadith no. 6536)
𝗱) 𝗠𝘂𝗹𝗹𝗮 𝗔𝗹𝗶 𝗮𝗹 𝗾𝗮𝗿𝗶 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱:
وَأَنَّ الْمُلَاعَبَةَ مَعَ الزَّوْجِ مَنْدُوبٌ إِلَيْهَا
Playing with wife is recommended. (Mirqaat al mafateeh 3088)
𝗲) 𝗜𝗯𝗻 𝗛𝗮𝗷𝗿 𝗮𝗹 A𝘀𝗾𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗶 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱
وفيه إشارة إلى مص لسانها ورشف شفتيها ، وذلك يقع عند الملاعبة والتقبيل ، وليس هو ببعيد كما قال القرطبي ،
“It refers to sucking her tongue and lips, and this happens when playing with one’s wife and kissing her, so this meaning is very possible as al Qurtubi mentioned”. [Fath al Bari, Kitab an Nikah under the hadith 5079-5080]
𝗳) 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗮𝗺 𝗔𝗻-𝗡𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘄𝗶 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝗔𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗮𝗵 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗰𝘆 𝘂𝗽𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱:
قال : وقد حمل جمهور المتكلمين في شرح هذا الحديث قوله صلى الله عليه وسلم : ( تلاعبها ) على اللعب المعروف ويؤيده ” تضاحكها وتضاحكك ”
”He (Qaadi) said: Majority of the theologians explained the Prophetic expression by the usual play, and this view is supported by the expression ”…so that you may laugh with her and she may laugh with you”. [Sharah Saheeh Muslim End of quote].
𝗴) 𝗜𝗯𝗻 𝗠𝘂𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗵 𝗛𝗮𝗻𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗶 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱:
فَصْلٌ فِي اسْتِحْبَابِ الِانْبِسَاطِ وَالْمُدَاعَبَةِ وَالْمُزَاحِ مَعَ الزَّوْجَةِ وَالْوَلَدِ
Chapter on the recommendation of being playful, joking, and teasing with one’s wife and children. [Adaab al shariyah 3/239]
𝗵). 𝗜𝗯𝗻 𝗔𝗾𝗶𝗹 (𝗧𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗦𝗵𝗮𝘆𝗸𝗵 𝗔𝗯𝗱𝘂𝗹 𝗤𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗿 𝗝𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗶) 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱:
وَالْعَاقِلُ إذَا خَلَا بِزَوْجَاتِهِ وَإِمَائِهِ تَرَكَ الْعَقْلَ فِي زَاوِيَةٍ كَالشَّيْخِ الْمُوَقَّرِ وَدَاعَبَ وَمَازَحَ وَهَازَلَ لِيُعْطِيَ الزَّوْجَةَ وَالنَّفْسَ حَقَّهُمَا، وَإِنْ خَلَا بِأَطْفَالِهِ خَرَجَ فِي صُورَةِ طِفْلٍ، وَيُهْجِرُ فِي ذَلِكَ الْوَقْتِ
“When a wise man is alone with his wife, instead of pretending to be a respected elder, he leaves his wisdom in some corner and enjoys playful joking and laughter with her, thereby giving both himself and his wife their due rights. When he is with his children, he becomes a child himself.” [al Funun li Ibn Aqil quoted by Ibn Mufleh in Adaab al shariyah 3/239]
𝗶). 𝗜𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗯𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗟𝘂𝗾𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗹 𝗛𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗺.
وقال لقمان رحمه الله: ينبغي للعاقل أن يكون في أهله كالصبي, وإذا كان في القوم وجد رجلاً.
Luqman (may Allah have mercy on him) said: ‘A wise person should be as gentle as a child with their wives (and family) and as dignified as a man in the company of others.’ (Ihya Uloom al Din by al Ghazali)
𝟱. 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻
These are just a few of the many quotes available. Islam teaches a beautiful balance of character: dignity and seriousness in public, and warmth and playfulness at home. The Prophet ﷺ, the Companions, and the scholars all affirmed that excellence of faith is demonstrated through kindness, joy, and gentle play with one’s family especially one’s spouse while remaining responsible, firm, and principled when needed. True manhood is not harshness, but mercy at home and strength where responsibility calls.