Scholars strongly discouraged marrying daughters and sisters to old men.
Contents.
1. Such an act is foolish.
2. Do not marry the daughters to old or unattractive men.
3. Consequences of this marriage.
4. If she commits adultery, old man will be the reason for it.
5. What is an old age?
6. Marry the daughters to young and handsome pious men.
7. Let no old man be deceived by his sexual urges, for his passion is like a false dawn that promises light but delivers none.
8. Conclusion
1. Such an act is foolish.
Ibn Mufleh Hanbali said:
ومن التغفيل أن يتزوج الشيخ صبية
It is foolish to marry a young girl at an old age man۔
al Furoo 5/150
Same is said by al Buhooti in al Iqna the Hanbali text۔
2. Marry your daughter to pious handsome men, avoid old men.
Ibn Nujaym al Hanafi said:
والمرأة تختار الزوج الدين الحسن الخلق الجواد الموسر، ولا تتزوج فاسقا، ولا يزوج ابنته الشابة شيخا كبيرا، ولا رجلا دميما ويزوجها كفؤا، فإن خطبها الكفء لا يؤخرها، وهو كل مسلم تقي
“A woman should choose a husband who is religious, of good character, generous, and financially stable. She must not marry a sinful man. Likewise, a guardian must not marry his young daughter to an elderly man or an unattractive man, but rather to a suitable match (kufu’). If a suitable suitor proposes, he should not delay her marriage – a suitable match being any pious Muslim man.”
Al-Bahr al-Ra’iq by Ibn Nujaym al-Misri, Vol. 3, Page 143
3. Consequences of this marriage.
al Saffarini the hanbali scholar said:
فإنك إن نكحت وأنت شيخ شابة ( تعش ) معها ( في ضرار العيش ) من احتمالك لما يبدو منها من بذاذة اللسان وسوء العشرة والتبرم منك ، وذلك لقلة ما تجد عندك من بغية النساء وطلبتهن ، فإن غاية مقصود النساء الجماع الذي عجزت عنه لكبر سنك ، فأنت في سن الكبر وقد غلبت عليك البرودة ، وهي في سن الشباب وقد غلبت عليها الحرارة والشبق
If you marry a young woman while you are old, you will endure a life of hardship with her, bearing the burden of her coarse speech, poor manners, and dissatisfaction with you. This is because you no longer have the ability to fulfill the desires of women, and their primary goal is intimacy, which you can no longer provide due to your advanced age. You are in the stage of old age, where coldness prevails over you, while she is in the prime of youth, dominated by warmth and desire.
Ghithā’ al-Albāb fī Sharḥ Manẓūmat al-Ādāb 2/390
This means that if you marry a young woman and fail to satisfy her needs due to your own shortcomings, she may become rude or behave badly, the reason is you not her. Since she is young, beautiful, and full of desire and because women value what men value, such as beauty and good manners her frustration could lead to such behavior.
4. If she commits adultery, old man will be the reason for it.
as-Saffarini said:
إن لم تحبسها عن نيل شهواتها وتقصرها عليك ( ترض ب ) الفعل ( الردي ) وهو الزنا الذي هو أكبر الكبائر بعد الشرك والقتل ، وكنت حينئذ ديوثا والديوث لا يدخل الجنة ، فخسرت عرضك وتنغصت عليك عيشتك ، وخسرت آخرتك ، وذلك هو الخسران المبين .
If you do not restrain her from seeking her desires and limit them to you, she will resort to immoral acts, such as adultery, which is one of the gravest sins after polytheism and murder. At that point, you would become a ‘Dayyuth’ (a man who tolerates his wife’s infidelity), and a Dayyuth does not enter paradise. Thus, you would lose your honor, your life would become miserable, and you would lose your hereafter. That is the ultimate loss.”
Ghithā’ al-Albāb fī Sharḥ Manẓūmat al-Ādāb 2/390
5. What is an old age?
al Saffarini al hanbali said:
قال في القاموس : الشيخ والشيخون من استبانت فيه السن أو من خمسين أو إحدى وخمسين إلى آخر عمره أو إلى ثمانين .
وعند الفقهاء الشيخ من الخمسين إلى السبعين ، والشباب من البلوغ إلى الثلاثين ، والكهل من الثلاثين إلى الخمسين ثم هو شيخ إلى السبعين .
In Al-Qamus, it is stated: ‘A sheikh (elderly man) or shuyukh (elderly men) refers to one who shows visible signs of aging, or one between the ages of fifty or fifty-one until the end of his life, or until eighty.’
According to the jurists: A sheikh is one between fifty and seventy years of age. Youth spans from puberty until thirty. Middle age (kahl) covers thirty to fifty, after which one becomes an old man (sheikh) until seventy.'”
Ghithā’ al-Albāb fī Sharḥ Manẓūmat al-Ādāb 2/390
6. Marry the daughters to young and handsome pious men.
Then al saffarini cited Ibn al-Jawzī, who advised, Marry your daughters to pious and handsome men. Ibn al-Jawzī supported this by quoting a ḥadīth and the statement of ʿUmar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb, both of which convey the same meaning. I have already quoted that in a separate article.
7. Let no old man be deceived by his sexual urges, for his passion is like a false dawn that promises light but delivers none.
Ibn Jawzi said:
وأبله البله الشيخ الذي يطلب صبية… فإذا بلغت أرادت كثرة الجماع والشيخ لا يقدر.
فإن حمل على نفسه لم يبلغ مرادها، وهلك سريعاً.
ولا ينبغي أن يغتر بشهوته الجماع، فإن شهوته كالفجر الكاذب.
And how foolish is the old man who seeks a young girl… Once she reaches maturity, she desires frequent intimacy which the old man cannot fulfill.
If he forces himself to meet her demands, he will fail to satisfy her and perish swiftly. Let no old man be deceived by his sexual urges, for his passion is like a false dawn [that promises light but delivers none].
(Sayd al khatir page 420)
8. Conclusion.
These scholars expressed these views centuries ago, and in our modern era, such marriages prove even more harmful. While the scholars do not explicitly prohibit marriages between older men and young girls, they strongly censure such arrangements and advocate for wiser, more suitable alternatives. The reasoning behind this disapproval remains clear: the husband may prove incapable of meeting his wife’s needs whether immediately or eventually thereby exposing her to potential harm. Contemporary reality only reinforces this truth