Marrying Young Daughters To Old Men Is Strongly Discouraged
Contents
1. This is an act of foolishness.
2. Consequences of such marriage.
3. If she commits adultery, old man will be the reason for it.
4. Marry the daughters to young and handsome pious men.
a. Umar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb
b. Ibn Nujaym al Hanafi
c. Takmilat al-Majmū‘
d. Nihāyat al-Muḥtāj
e. Ibn ‘Ābidīn
f. Ibn al-Jawzī
5. The Prophet ﷺ did not recommend the contraction of a marriage between a Young and Old.
a. Mulla Ali al-Qari commented:
6. What about Marriage of Aisha radhiAllahanha with Prophet peace be upon him.
a) Imam Ibn Shubrumah (Student of Anas ra and teacher of Ibn Uyaynah , Thawri and Ibn al Mubarak)
b) Imam al Shafiee and his Companions.
c) Imam Nawawi
d) Imam Shawkani even stated that she may escape from such a marriage.
e) Ibn Uthaymeen
f) Shaykh Mahmud Mahdi Istanbuli
7. Umar’s marriage with Daughter of Ali, Umm Kulthum may Allah be pleased with them all.
a) Final Verdicts of Faqeeh ul Ummah Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen
8. Conclusion.
𝟏. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬.
Ibn Mufleh Hanbali said:
ومن التغفيل أن يتزوج الشيخ صبية
It is foolish to marry a young girl to an old age man۔
al Furoo 5/150
Same is said by al Buhooti in al Iqna the Hanbali text۔
𝟐. 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞
al Saffarini the hanbali scholar said:
فإنك إن نكحت وأنت شيخ شابة ( تعش ) معها ( في ضرار العيش ) من احتمالك لما يبدو منها من بذاذة اللسان وسوء العشرة والتبرم منك ، وذلك لقلة ما تجد عندك من بغية النساء وطلبتهن ، فإن غاية مقصود النساء الجماع الذي عجزت عنه لكبر سنك ، فأنت في سن الكبر وقد غلبت عليك البرودة ، وهي في سن الشباب وقد غلبت عليها الحرارة والشبق
If you marry a young woman while you are old, you will endure a life of hardship with her, bearing the burden of her coarse speech, poor manners, and dissatisfaction with you. This is because you no longer have the ability to fulfill the desires of women, and their primary goal is intimacy, which you can no longer provide due to your advanced age. You are in the stage of old age, where coldness prevails over you, while she is in the prime of youth, dominated by warmth and desire.
Ghithā’ al-Albāb fī Sharḥ Manẓūmat al-Ādāb 2/390
This means that if you marry a young woman and fail to satisfy her needs due to your own shortcomings, she may become rude or behave badly, the reason is you not her. Since she is young, beautiful, and full of desire and because women value what men value, such as beauty and good manners her frustration could lead to such behavior.
𝟑. 𝐈𝐟 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐲, 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐭.
as-Saffarini said:
إن لم تحبسها عن نيل شهواتها وتقصرها عليك ( ترض ب ) الفعل ( الردي ) وهو الزنا الذي هو أكبر الكبائر بعد الشرك والقتل ، وكنت حينئذ ديوثا والديوث لا يدخل الجنة ، فخسرت عرضك وتنغصت عليك عيشتك ، وخسرت آخرتك ، وذلك هو الخسران المبين .
If you do not restrain her from seeking her desires and limit them to you, she will resort to immoral acts, such as adultery, which is one of the gravest sins after polytheism and murder. At that point, you would become a ‘Dayyuth’ (a man who tolerates his wife’s infidelity), and a Dayyuth does not enter paradise. Thus, you would lose your honor, your life would become miserable, and you would lose your hereafter. That is the ultimate loss.”
Ghithā’ al-Albāb fī Sharḥ Manẓūmat al-Ādāb 2/390
𝟒. 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐧.
𝐚. 𝐔𝐦𝐚𝐫 𝐢𝐛𝐧 𝐚𝐥-𝐊𝐡𝐚𝐭̣𝐭̣𝐚̄𝐛 (𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡 𝐛𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐦) 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝:
(فيعمد أحدكم إلى ابنته فيزوجها القبيح الذميم إنهن يردن ما تريدون
‘One of you goes and marries his daughter to a repulsive and ugly man, but indeed, women desire what you desire!’” Muṣannaf, ‘Abd al-Razzāq Kitab an-Nikah 6/158
𝐛. 𝐈𝐛𝐧 𝐍𝐮𝐣𝐚𝐲𝐦 𝐚𝐥 𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐟𝐢 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝:
والمرأة تختار الزوج الدين الحسن الخلق الجواد الموسر، ولا تتزوج فاسقا، ولا يزوج ابنته الشابة شيخا كبيرا، ولا رجلا دميما ويزوجها كفؤا، فإن خطبها الكفء لا يؤخرها، وهو كل مسلم تقي
“A woman should choose a husband who is religious, of good character, generous, and financially stable. She must not marry a sinful man. Likewise, a guardian must not marry his young daughter to an elderly man or an unattractive man, but rather to a suitable match (kufu’). If a suitable suitor proposes, he should not delay her marriage – a suitable match being any pious Muslim man.”
Al-Bahr al-Ra’iq by Ibn Nujaym al-Misri, Vol. 3, Page 143
𝐜. 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐥-𝐌𝐚𝐣𝐦𝐮̄‘ [𝟏𝟔/𝟏𝟑𝟗]
يجوز للمرأة إذا أرادت أن تتزوج برجل أن تنظر إليه، لأنه يعجبها منه ما يعجبه منها، ولهذا قال عمر – رضي الله عنه –: ((لا تزوجوا بناتكم من الرجل الذميم، فإنه يعجبهن منهم ما يعجبهم منهن
“It is permissible for a woman, if she wishes to marry a man, to look at him, because she is attracted to him just as he is attracted to her.
This is why ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said: ‘Do not marry your daughters to an unattractive man, for indeed, they (i.e., women) are attracted to men just as men are attracted to them.’”
𝐝. 𝐈𝐧 𝐍𝐢𝐡𝐚̄𝐲𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐥-𝐌𝐮𝐡̣𝐭𝐚̄𝐣 [𝟔/𝟏𝟖𝟑] 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝:
، وتستوصف كما في الرجل
She may also request a description of him, just as a man may request a description of her.”
𝐞. 𝐈𝐛𝐧 ‘𝐀̄𝐛𝐢𝐝𝐢̄𝐧 said in his marginal notes in Radd al-Muḥtār [6/37 ]:
إن المرأة أولى من الرجل في النظر،)).
“The woman is even more entitled than the man to look (at the potential spouse).”
𝐟. 𝐈𝐛𝐧 𝐚𝐥-𝐉𝐚𝐰𝐳𝐢̄ – may Allah have mercy on him – stated in Ahkam al-Nisa page 305
((أنه يستحب لمن أراد تزويج ابنته أن ينظر لها شاباً مستحسن الصورة، لأن المرأة تحب ما يحب الرجل
“It is recommended for someone who intends to marry off his daughter to choose for her a young man of good appearance, because a woman desires what a man desires.”
𝐠) 𝐈𝐛𝐧 𝐉𝐚𝐰𝐳𝐢 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝:
وأبله البله الشيخ الذي يطلب صبية… فإذا بلغت أرادت كثرة الجماع والشيخ لا يقدر.
فإن حمل على نفسه لم يبلغ مرادها، وهلك سريعاً.
ولا ينبغي أن يغتر بشهوته الجماع، فإن شهوته كالفجر الكاذب.
And how foolish is the old man who seeks a young girl… Once she reaches maturity, she desires frequent intimacy which the old man cannot fulfill.
If he forces himself to meet her demands, he will fail to satisfy her and perish swiftly. Let no old man be deceived by his sexual urges, for his passion is like a false dawn [that promises light but delivers none].
(Sayd al khatir page 420)
𝟓. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐭 ﷺ 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞.
Burayda reported: Abu Bakr and Umar offered a marriage proposal to the Prophet’s daughter Fatimah. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
إِنَّهَا صَغِيرَةٌ
She is too young. (Sunan al-Nasā’ī 3221)
𝐚. 𝐌𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐀𝐥𝐢 𝐚𝐥-𝐐𝐚𝐫𝐢 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝:
الْمُرَادُ أَنَّهَا صَغِيرَةٌ بِالنِّسْبَةِ إِلَيْهِمَا لِكِبَرِ سِنِّهِمَا وَزَوَّجَهَا مِنْ عَلِيٍّ لِمُنَاسَبَةِ سِنِّهِ لَهَا
The meaning is that she was too young to be suitable for the older age of Abu Bakr and Umar, so the Prophet married her to Ali, who was of suitable age. [Mirqāt al-Mafātīḥ 6104]
𝟔. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐀𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚 𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐡𝐢𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐚 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐞 𝐮𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐦.
a) Imam Ibn Shubrumah (who narrates from Anas radhiAllahanho and others like Imam ash-Shu’abi), He was Teacher of (Ibn Uyaynah , Thawri and Ibn al Mubarak) he was also the Judge of Kufa said:
لا يجوز إنكاح الأب ابنته الصغيرة إلا حتى تبلغ وتأذن ، ورأى أمر عائشة رضي الله عنها خصوصا للنبي صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم ،
“It is not permissible for a father to marry off his young daughter until she reaches puberty and gives her consent.” He considered the case of ʿĀʾishah (may Allah be pleased with her) as something specific to the Prophet ﷺ
al-Muḥallá bil-Āthār 9/38
b) Imam al Shafiee and his Companions.
al Nawawi said:.
واعلم أن الشافعي وأصحابه قالوا : يستحب أن لا يزوِّج الأب والجد البكر حتى تبلغ ويستأذنها لئلا يوقعها في أسر الزوج وهي كارهة ، وهذا الذي قالوه لا يخالف حديث عائشة ؛ لأن مرادهم أنه لا يزوجها قبل البلوغ إذا لم تكن مصلحة ظاهرة يخاف فوتها بالتأخير كحديث عائشة ، فيستحب تحصيل ذلك الزوج لأن الأب مأمور بمصلحة ولده فلا يفوتها
It should be noted that al-Shaafa’i and his companions said: It is preferable for fathers and grandfathers not to marry off a virgin until she reaches the age of puberty and they ask her permission, lest she end up in a marriage that she dislikes. What they said does not go against the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah, because what they meant is that they should not marry her off before she reaches puberty if there is no obvious interest to be served that they fear will be missed out on if they delay it, as in the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah. In that case it is preferable to go ahead with the marriage because the father is enjoined to take care of his child’s interests and not to let a good opportunity slip away.[Sharh Muslim, 9/206.]
c) Imam Nawawi states:
وَإنْ كَانَتْ صَغِيرَةً، لَمْ يَجُزْ تَزْوِيجُهَا، حَتَّى تَبْلُغَ وَتَأْذَنَ؛ لاًّنَّ إذْنَهَا مُعْتَبَرٌ فِي حَالِ الْكِبَرِ، فَلاَ يَجُوزُ الاِفْتِيَاتُ عَلَيْهَا فِي حَالِ الصِّغَرِ
“And if she is a young girl, it is not permissible to marry her off until she reaches maturity and gives her consent, because her permission is only valid once she has grown up. Therefore, it is not permissible to issue rulings regarding her marriage while she is still a minor.” Reference: Sharh al-Muhadhdhab, Vol. 17, p. 322 (Credits Shahrukh Khan for this reference)
d) Imam Shawkani even stated that she may escape from such a marriage.
Imam Shawkani states:
أمّا مع عدم المصلحة المعتبرة، فليس للنكاح إنعقادٌ من الأصل،فيجوز للحاكم بل يجب عليه التفرقة بين الصغيرة ومن تزوجها، ولها الفرار متى شاءت،سواء بلغت التكليف أم لم تبلغ،ما لم يقع منها الرضا بعد تكليفها
“However, without a valid and legitimate interest (maslahah), the marriage is not valid at all. It is permissible, and indeed obligatory, for the ruler to separate such a husband and wife. It is also permissible for the girl to escape from that marriage whenever she wishes, whether she has reached maturity or not, as long as the marriage was not contracted with her consent after she reached maturity.”
Reference: Bal al-Ghamam ‘ala Shifa’ al-Awam, p. 33 (Credits: Shahrukh Khan for this reference)
e) Ibn Uthaymeen said:
وهذا القول هو الصواب، أن الأب لا يزوج بنته حتى تبلغ، وإذا بلغت فلا يزوجها حتى ترضى
This view is the correct one, that the father should not arrange a marriage for his daughter until she reaches the age of puberty, and when she reaches the age of puberty he should not arrange a marriage unless she gives her consent. [Sharh al-Mumti‘, 12/57]
f) Shaykh Mahmud Mahdi Istanbuli said:
الحذر من الزواج بالصغيرة
BEWARE OF CHILD MARRIAGE
I advise all men and women not to accept this especially nowadays, when emotions for religion are fading and the risk of false practices is very high. [Tuhfatul Urus page 42]
7. Umar’s marriage with Daughter of Ali, Umm Kulthum may Allah be pleased with them all.
a) Final Verdicts of Faqeeh ul Ummah Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen
فالذي يظهر لي أنه من الناحية الانضباطية في الوقت الحاضر ، أن يُمنع الأبُ من تزويج ابنته مطلقا ، حتى تبلغ وتُستأذن ، وكم من امرأة زوّجها أبوها بغير رضاها ، فلما عرفت وأتعبها زوجها قالت لأهلها : إما أن تفكوني من هذا الرجل ، وإلا أحرقت نفسي ، وهذا كثير ما يقع ، لأنهم لا يراعون مصلحة البنت ، وإنما يراعون مصلحة أنفسهم فقط ، فمنع هذا عندي في الوقت الحاضر متعين ، ولكل وقت حكمه .
What is clear to me is that, due to contemporary ethical standards, a father should absolutely be prohibited from marrying off his daughter before she reaches the age of puberty. Moreover, her consent should be mandatory for any marriage arrangement.
There are many women who were married off by their fathers without their approval. Later, when they realized the situation and faced mistreatment from their husbands, they pleaded with their families for divorce even threatening self-harm if their pleas were ignored. This happens frequently because families often prioritize their own interests over their daughter’s well-being.
In my view, this practice must end. Modern times demand modern rulings, and every era has its own ethical standards. [Sharh Saheeh al Bukhari, Kitab al Nikah Chapter 39]
8. 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.
Based on the evidence presented, marrying young daughters to elderly men is strongly discouraged in Islam for the following reasons:
a. It is considered foolish and against wisdom. Classical scholars from multiple schools of jurisprudence (Hanbali, Shafi’i, Hanafi) explicitly label such a marriage as an act of foolishness.
b. It contradicts the principle of a suitable match (Kafa’ah). Guardians are instructed to marry their daughters to pious, compatible, and suitable men. An elderly man is often not a suitable match (kufu’) for a young woman in terms of life stage, physical capability, and mutual desire.
c. It leads to marital strife and potential sin. The significant age gap creates a natural imbalance. The young wife’s unmet physical and emotional needs, due to the husband’s advanced age, can lead to resentment, poor conduct, and in the worst cases, may become a catalyst for infidelity (zina), for which the negligent husband bears partial responsibility.
d. It violates the woman’s right to attraction and choice. Islamic guidelines encourage women to see their prospective husbands. The principle, as stated by Caliph Umar (ra), is that “women desire what men desire” meaning physical attraction and compatibility are legitimate considerations for both parties. Forcing a young woman into a marriage with an elderly man disregards this right.
e. It is not the prophetic model. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ himself declined marriage proposals from his senior companions for his young daughter Fatimah (ra), citing her young age relative to theirs, and instead married her to Ali (ra), who was closer to her age.
f. One may even escape from this marriage. Contemporary scholars, citing the potential for harm and coercion in current times, advise against child marriage and emphasize that a father should not marry off his daughter without her consent after she reaches puberty.