Don’t ignore your wives, beautify yourself for them and give them time.
1. When prophet peace be upon him saw wife of Uthman bin maz’oon in a shabby state.
2. Advice to Abdullah bin Amr by Prophet peace be upon him.
3. When Salman saw wife of Abu darda in shabby state.
4. Ibn Hajr al asqalani commented
5. Advice of ibn Abbas.
6. Advice of Muhammad bin hanafiyah (son of Ali bin abi talib).
7. Advice of al Qurtubi and other scholars.
8. Saying “I Love you” to your wife and sahaba.
9. Sahaba used to be reserved in their speech with their wives fearing that Qur’an may be revealed.
10. Commentary of scholars on above.
1. When prophet peace be upon him saw wife of Uthman bin maz’oon in a shabby state.
Imam Ahmad narrated:
عن عائشة، زوج النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قالت: دخلت علي خويلة بنت حكيم بن أمية بن حارثة بن الأوقص السلمية وكانت عند عثمان بن مظعون قالت: فرأى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم بذاذة هيئتها، فقال لي: ” يا عائشة، ما أبذ هيئة خويلة؟ ” قالت: فقلت: يا رسول الله، امرأة لا زوج لها يصوم النهار، ويقوم الليل فهي كمن لا زوج لها، فتركت نفسها وأضاعتها، قالت: فبعث رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم إلى عثمان بن مظعون فجاءه، فقال: ” يا عثمان، أرغبة عن سنتي؟ ” قال: فقال: لا والله يا رسول الله، ولكن سنتك أطلب، قال: ” فإني أنام وأصلي، وأصوم وأفطر، وأنكح النساء، فاتق الله يا عثمان، فإن لأهلك عليك حقا، وإن لضيفك عليك حقا، وإن لنفسك عليك حقا، فصم وأفطر، وصل ونم ”
From Aisha, the wife of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), she said: Khawilah bint Hakim bin Umayyah came to me while she was wife of Uthman bin Maz’oon. The Prophet (peace be upon him) sae her in a state of dishevelment and asked me, “O Aisha, what is the matter with Khawilah’s appearance?” I replied, “O Messenger of Allah, she is like a woman who has no husband, her husband fasts during the day and stands in prayer at night, and she is as if she has no husband. She has neglected and wasted herself.” Aisha continued, “So the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) asked for Uthman bin Mazh’un, and when he came, the Prophet asked him, ‘O Uthman, have you neglected my sunnah?’ Uthman replied, ‘No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah, but I seek to follow your sunnah.’ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘Indeed, I sleep and I pray, I fast and I break my fast, and I marry women. So, fear Allah, O Uthman, for your family (wife) has rights upon you, your guests have rights upon you, and your own self has rights upon you. So, fast and break your fast, pray and sleep.'”
Musnad Ahmad 6/269 this chain is hasan as per shoaib al arnaoot.
2. Advice to Abdullah bin Amr by Prophet peace be upon him.
Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘amr bin Al-‘As: Allah’s Apostle said to me, “O ‘Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast during the day and offer prayers all the night.” ‘Abdullah replied, “Yes, O Allah’s Apostle!” The Prophet said, “Don’t do that; fast for few days and then give it up for few days, offer prayers and also sleep at night, as your body has a right on you, and YOUR WIFE HAS A RIGHT ON YOU, and your guest has a right on you. ..(Bukhari Book #31, Hadith #196)
3. When Salman saw wife of Abu darda in shabby state.
Narrated Abu Juhaifa:
The Prophet (peace be upon him) made a bond of brotherhood between Salman and Abu Ad-Darda.’ Salman paid a visit to Abu Ad-Darda’ and found Um Ad-Darda’ dressed in shabby clothes and asked her why she was in that state. She replied, “Your brother Abu Ad-Darda’ is not interested in (the luxuries of) this world.”
Then the hadith states
Salman told Abu Ad-Darda’, “Your Lord has a right on you, your soul has a right on you, and your family has a right on you; so you should give the rights of all those who has a right on you.” Abu Ad- Darda’ came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and narrated the whole story. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Salman has spoken the truth.”
[Sahih al-Bukhari 1968]
4. Ibn Hajr al asqalani commented:
وفي هذا الحديث من الفوائد مشروعية المؤاخاة في الله ، وزيارة الإخوان والمبيت عندهم ، وجواز مخاطبة الأجنبية ، والسؤال عما يترتب عليه المصلحة وإن كان في الظاهر لا يتعلق بالسائل ، وفيه النصح للمسلم وتنبيه من أغفل ، وفيه فضل قيام آخر الليل ، وفيه مشروعية تزين المرأة لزوجها ، وثبوت حق المرأة على الزوج في حسن العشرة ، وقد يؤخذ منه ثبوت حقها في الوطء لقوله : ” ولأهلك عليك حقا ” ثم قال : ” وائت أهلك ” وقرره النبي – صلى الله عليه وسلم – على ذلك . وفيه جواز النهي عن المستحبات إذا خشي أن ذلك يفضي إلى السآمة والملل وتفويت الحقوق المطلوبة الواجبة أو المندوبة الراجح فعلها على فعل المستحب المذكور ،
Following are the things which are proven from this hadith:
1. Brotherhood for Allah is proven from this hadith.
2. To visit the brothers.
3. Staying night at his home.
4. To talk with non Mahram (if necessary)
5. To benefit each other.
6. The virtues of Qiyam at the last part of night.
7. That the wife should beautify herself for husband.
8. The rights of a wife over her husband
9. To stop (the brother) from the Mustahab things, if those mustahbaat are the reason of leaving the Rights and obligations. [Fath al Bari under the hadith 1968]
5. Advice of ibn Abbas.
Ibn Abbas ra said:
إنِّي لأحبُّ أن أتزيَّنَ للمرأةِ كما أحبُّ أن تتزيَّنَ ليَ المرأةُ ، لأنَّ اللَّهَ يقول : وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ
“I love that I beautify myself for my wife just like I love that she beautifies herself for me.” Allah says: “And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.” [al musannaf Ibn abi Shayba 19608, Ahmad Shakir said: The chain is Authentic in Umda tul Tafsir an Hafid Ibn Kathir 1/277]
6. Advice of Muhammad bin hanafiyah (son of Ali bin abi talib).
al Qurtubi said:
. قال يحيى بن عبدالرحمن الحنظلي: أتيت محمد بن الحنفية فخرج إلي في مِلْحَفَة حمراءَ ولِحيتُه تقطُر من الغَالِية، فقلت: ما هذا؟ قال: إن هذه المِلحفة ألقتها علي امرأتي ودهنْتني بالطِّيب، وإنهن يشتهين منا ما نشتهيه منهن،
Yahya bin Abdul Rahman al Hanzala said: I went to Muhammad bin Hanafiya and he came out wearing a red shawl and his beard was full of fragrance, I asked him about it, he replied: this shawl is given to me by my wife and she wore me fragrance. They (the wives) desire same from us as we desire for them. (end quote)
7. Advice of al Qurtubi and other scholars.
al Qurtubi commented:
فأمر الله سبحانه بحسن صحبة النساء إذا عقدوا عليهنّ لتكون أْدْمَةُ ما بينهم وصحبتهم على الكمال، فإنه أهْدأُ للنفس وأَهْنَأ للعيش. وهذا واجب على الزوج ولا يلزمه في القَضَاء. وقال بعضهم: هو أن يتصَنّع لها كما تتصنَع له.
. قال يحيى بن عبدالرحمن الحنظلي: أتيت محمد بن الحنفية فخرج إلي في مِلْحَفَة حمراءَ ولِحيتُه تقطُر من الغَالِية، فقلت: ما هذا؟ قال: إن هذه المِلحفة ألقتها علي امرأتي ودهنْتني بالطِّيب، وإنهن يشتهين منا ما نشتهيه منهن، وقال ابن عباس رضي الله عنه: إني أحِب أن أتزينّ لامرأتي كما أحِب أن تتزينّ المرأة لي. وهذا داخل فيما ذكرناه.
Allah ordered to be good to women, when doing nikah with them so that the relation remains the best. This is relaxing for the Nafs and the life becomes happier. And this is obligatory upon the husband and there is no blame [on him] in [adopting a] concession. Some (scholars) said: “A Man should beautify himself for his wife, like his wife beautify herself for her husband”.
(end quote)
8. Saying “I Love you” to your wife and sahaba.
Ibn Maeen Narrated:
ابراهيم قال: “كانوا يقولون قول الرجل لإمرأته: إنى احبك طرف من السحر”.
Ibraheem said: They (Sahaba and tabiyeen) said, saying I love you to your wife is type of a magic.
تاريخ ابن معين – رواية ابن محرز (2/ 63)
9. Sahaba used to be reserved in their speech with their wives fearing that Qur’an may be revealed.
Ibn Maja Narrated, Ibn ‘Umar said:
ابْنِ عُمَرَ، قَالَ كُنَّا نَتَّقِي الْكَلاَمَ وَالاِنْبِسَاطَ إِلَى نِسَائِنَا عَلَى عَهْدِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ مَخَافَةَ أَنْ يُنْزَلَ فِينَا الْقُرْآنُ فَلَمَّا مَاتَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ تَكَلَّمْنَا
“We used to be guarded in our speech even with our wives at the time of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), fearing that Qur’an may be revealed amongst us, but when the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) died, we began to speak freely.”
Grade: Sahih (Darussalam)
Reference : Sunan Ibn Majah 1632
10. Commentary of scholars on above.
Ibn Habeerah said:
: (في هذا الحديث من الفقه أن الرجل الصالح على ما كان من صلاحه في دينه فهو ينبسط إلى أهله، وأنهم كانوا في زمان رسول الله – صلى الله عليه وسلم – يخافون أن يفضي بهم ذلك الانبساط إلى بعض ما لا يسوغ فينزل القرآن في الواحد منهم. على أن انبساط الرجل إلى زوجته من مداعبة ولعب يظهر لها به رغبته فيها وحبه إياها مباح، وهو فيما أرى إذا حسن القصد به عبادة إن شاء الله
“In this hadith, there is a jurisprudential lesson that a righteous man, despite his piety, is inclined to be affectionate with his family. In the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), they used to fear that this affection might lead them to something impermissible, and thus the Quran would reveal verses about specific individuals.
However, a man’s affection towards his wife, such as playful teasing and intimacy, is permissible if it demonstrates his desire and love for her. In my opinion, if done with good intentions, such actions can be considered an act of worship, inshaAllah.”
Reference: “Al-Ifsah fi Ma’ani al-Sahah” (4/241-242)
Imam Bukhari narrated under Kitab an-Nikah
بَابُ الْوَصَاةِ بِالنِّسَاءِ
Chapter: The exhortation of taking care of the women.