Beating your pious wife.
A) When the wife complained about her husband’s beating.
B) Dua against the one who was beating his wife.
C) The one who beats his pious wife, he will definitely bear this blatant sin.
D) Oppression is categorically haram.
E) When the women complained about their husbands.
F) The best of you is the one who is best to his wife and the most kind with her.
G) No Muslim wife-beater can possibly claim to imitate the Prophet peace be upon him.
H) Categorical prohibition of beating wives and obligation of treating them kindly.
I) The Prophet (peace be upon him) warned Fatimah ibn Qais not to marry a man who was known for hitting women.
J) Treat them the way you want your daughter to be treated.
K) the man must be asked why he is oppressing his wife.
L) Shuraih al Qadi (the judge appointed by Umar bin al khattab) praising his wife and censured men who beat their wives.
M) Be a romantic husband.
N) A husband’s harsh behavior is maybe a reason of her rebellious behaviour.
O) In hanafi fiqh, he is also liable to tazeer, even he unjustifiably beats her lightly.
P) People often quote 4 : 34 to beat rebellious wives because men are Qawwam.
Q) Even Slight beating is not recommended.
R) Meaning of Qaawwam
S) The order of Prophet peace be upon him.
T) The order of verse must be followed.
U) Wife can demand her rights if the husband does not fulfill her rights.
A) When the wife complained about her husband’s beating.
Yahya ibn Sa’id reported: Habibah bint Sahl was married to Thabit ibn Qays
وان ثابتا ضربها، فاصبحت على باب رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم في الغلس، وان رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم خرج، فراى إنسانا فقال:”من هذا؟”قالت: انا حبيبة بنت سهل، فقال:”ما شانك؟”، قالت: لا انا ولا ثابت، فاتى ثابت إلى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم، فقال له رسول الله: “خذ منها وخل سبيلها”، فقالت: يا رسول الله، عندي كل شيء اعطانيه فاخذ منها، وقعدت عند اهلها
Thabit struck her. She went to the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) door at dawn. When the Prophet (peace be upon him) came out and saw a person, he asked, “Who is this?” She replied, “I am Habibah bint Sahl.” He asked, “What is wrong?” She said, “It’s neither me nor Thabit (meaning we both can’t get along).” Thabit then came to the Prophet (peace be upon him), and The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said to him (Thabit), “Take back what you gave her and let her go.” She (Habibah) said, “O Messenger of Allah, I have everything he gave me with me.” So, he took from her, and she stayed with her family. (Because of the Khul)
[Sunan al-Darimi 2317 Grade: Sahih by Hussain Saleem Asad]
B) Dua against the one who was beating his wife.
Ali (radiallahanhu), said:
رَأَيْتُ امْرَأَةَ الْوَلِيدِ جَاءَتْ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ تَشْكُو إِلَيْهِ زَوْجَهَا أَنَّهُ يَضْرِبُهَا ، فَقَالَ لَهَا : ” اذْهَبِي فَقُولِي لَهُ : كَيْتَ وَكَيْتَ ” . فَذَهَبَتْ ثُمَّ رَجَعَتْ ، فَقَالَتْ : إِنَّهُ عَادَ يَضْرِبُنِي ، فَقَالَ لَهَا : ” اذْهَبِي فَقُولِي لَهُ : إِنَّ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَقُولُ لَكَ ” , فَذَهَبَتْ ثُمَّ عَادَتْ , فَقَالَتْ : إِنَّهُ يَضْرِبُنِي فَقَالَ : ” اذْهَبِي فَقُولِي لَهُ : كَيْتَ وَكَيْتَ ” ، فَقَالَتْ : إِنَّهُ يَضْرِبُنِي فَرَفَعَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَدَهُ وَقَالَ : ” اللَّهُمَّ عَلَيْكَ بِالْوَلِيدِ ”
I saw the wife of Waleed bin Uqbah, she came to the prophet (peace be upon him), she was complaining about her husband that he beats her, so He (peace be upon him) said: go back! And tell him these things ( in a narration of Musnad Ahmad
قُولِي لَهُ إِنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَدْ أَجَارَنِي
Say to him: Verily, the Messenger of Allah has granted me protection.),
she went, came back, and said, He is beating her again, so he said: go to him, and tell him that, “Verily the prophet is telling you (not to beat your wife) thus she went, and came back again, and said, He still beats me, so He (peace be upon him) said, go and tell him these things, she said, Certainly he beats me, so the messenger of Allah (pace be upon him) raised his hands and prayed (to Allah) saying, “O Allah! Punish Al-Waleed”
[Juzz al Rafayadayn al Bukhari no. 95, Shaykh Zubair Ali Zai said: Its chain is Hasan]
C) The one who beats his pious wife, he will definitely bear this blatant sin.
Allah says:
As for those who abuse believing men and women unjustifiably, they will definitely bear the guilt of slander and blatant sin (33:58)
At-Tabari said:
والصواب من القول في ذلك عندنا أنه غير جائز لأحدٍ ضرب أحد من الناس ، ولا أذاه ، إلا بالحق ؛ لقول الله تعالى ( وَالَّذِينَ يُؤْذُونَ المُؤْمِنِينَ وَالمُؤْمِنَاتِ بِغَيْرِ مَا اكْتَسَبُوا فَقَدِ احْتَمَلُوا بُهْتَانًا وَإِثْمًا مُبِينًا ) الأحزاب/ 58 ، سواء كان المضروب امرأة وضاربها زوجها ، أو كان مملوكا أو مملوكة وضاربه مولاه ، أو كان صغيراً وضاربه والده ، أو وصي والده وصَّاه عليه .
According to us, the correct opinion on this matter is that it is not permissible for anyone to beat or harm anyone else without legitimate reason. This is based on Allah’s statement:
“As for those who abuse believing men and women unjustifiably, they will definitely bear the guilt of slander and blatant sin.” {33 : 58}
This applies whether the one being hit is a woman and her husband is the one hitting her, or a slave and their master is the one hitting them, or a child and their father is the one hitting them.
Tahdeeb al Athar 1/418
D) Oppression is categorically haram.
Abu Dharr (RAA) quoted the Prophet (ﷺ) saying among what he narrated from Allah, the Most High that He has said,
{ يَا عِبَادِي! إِنِّي حَرَّمْتُ اَلظُّلْمَ عَلَى نَفْسِي, وَجَعَلْتُهُ بَيْنَكُمْ مُحَرَّمًا, فَلَا تَظَّالَمُوا } أَخْرَجَهُ مُسْلِمٌ.
“O MY slaves, I have made oppression unlawful for myself and I have made it unlawful among you, so do not oppress one another.” Related by Muslim.
E) When the women complained about their husbands.
The Prophet peace be upon him admonished their husbands saying:
لقد طاف بآل محمد نساء كثير يشكون أزواجهن ليس أولئك بخياركم
“Many women have poured in to see the family of Muhammad, complaining of their husbands, and the latter are certainly not the best of you” (Sunan Abu dawud)
Meaning the best of you don’t beat their wives.
F) The best of you is the one who is best to his wife and the most kind with her.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
أَكْمَلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِيمَانًا أَحْسَنُهُمْ خُلُقًا وَخِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ خُلُقًا
The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the most excellent character, and the best of you are the best in behavior to their women.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1162, Grade: Sahih
Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
خِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ
The best of you are the best to their women.
Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 1978, Grade: Sahih
Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ
The best of you are the best to their families, and I am the best to my family.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 3895, Grade: Sahih
In another narration, the Prophet said:
وَأَلْطَفُهُمْ بِأَهْلِهِ
And who are most kind to their families.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2612, Grade: Hasan as per Tirmidhi and Sahih lighirihi as per al Arnaoot in Takhreej al Musnad no. 24204
Munawi explains that this includes being patient with them, constantly cheerful, and treating them with excellence. [Munawi, Fayd al-Qadir, islamqa]
G) No Muslim wife-beater can possibly claim to imitate the Prophet peace be upon him.
Allah Most High said to imitate the Prophet peace be upon him: {Verily in the messenger of Allah ye have a good example for him who looketh unto Allah and the last Day, and remembereth Allah much} (33:21).
The Prophet peace be upon him never beat his any of the wife.
Mother of believers A’isha reported that Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) never beat anyone with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, but only, in the case when he had been fighting in the cause of Allah and he never took revenge for anything unless the things made inviolable by Allah were made violable; he then took revenge for Allah, the Exalted and Glorious.
Sahih Muslim 5756.
H) Categorical prohibition of beating wives and obligation of treating them kindly.
Muawiyah al Qarshi said I went to the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. (Abu Dawud Book 11, Number 2139)
I) The Prophet (peace be upon him) warned Fatimah ibn Qais not to marry a man who was known for hitting women, saying:
وَأَمَّا أَبُو الْجَهْمِ فَرَجُلٌ ضَرَّابٌ لِلنِّسَاءِ وَلَكِنْ أُسَامَةَ
As for Abu al-Jahm, he frequently beats women. Rather, you should marry Usamah.
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1480,
J) Treat them the way you want your daughter to be treated.
Ibn Uthaymeen said:
ثم اعلم أن معاملتك لزوجتك يجب أن تقدر كأن رجلاً زوجاً لابنتك، كيف يعاملها؟ فهل ترضى أن يعاملها بالجفاء والقسوة؟ الجواب: لا، إذاً لا ترضى أن تعامل بنت الناس بما لا ترضى أن تعَامَل به ابنتك، وهذه قاعدة ينبغي أن يعرفها كل إنسان.
“Then know that your treatment of your wife should be like a man’s treatment of his daughter, how would he treat her? Would you be pleased if he treated her with harshness and cruelty? The answer is: No. Therefore, do not treat other people’s daughters in a way that you would not want your own daughter to be treated, and this is a rule that every person should know.”
[Ash-Sharh Al-Mumti (12/381)]
K) the man must be asked why he is oppressing his wife.
Ibn Uthaymeen said:
أما مَن كان سيئ العشرة ، فهذا يُسأل فيم ضرب امرأته ؛ لأنه ليس عنده من تقوى الله تعالى ما يردعه عن ظلمها وضربها ، حيث لا تستحق أن تضرب
“As for the man who has bad treatment (with his wife), he will be asked why he beats his wife. This is because he lacks the fear of Allah that would prevent him from oppressing and beating her when she doesn’t deserve it.”
Sharh Riyadh al Saliheen 1/512
L) Shuraih al Qadi (the judge appointed by Umar bin al khattab) praising his wife and censured men who beat their wives.
He said about his wife Zainab:
رأيت رجالا يضربون نساءهم فشلت يميني حين أضرب زينبا وزينب شمس والنساء كواكب
إذا طلعت لم تبق منهن كوكبا
I have seen men beating their women, May My right hand be Paralyzed if I beat her.
Zainab is like a sun and other women are like star, when the sun rises then other stars do not shine.
[Siyar A’laam an-Nubala under the biography of Shuraih al Qadhi]
M) Be a romantic husband.
Living with them honourably is the direct command from Quran and sahaba and tabiyeen used to say “I love you” to their wives as said by Ibraheem al Nakhi (Tareekh ibn Maeen)
Ibn Aqil Hanbali said:
وَالْعَاقِلُ إذَا خَلَا بِزَوْجَاتِهِ وَإِمَائِهِ تَرَكَ الْعَقْلَ فِي زَاوِيَةٍ كَالشَّيْخِ الْمُوَقَّرِ وَدَاعَبَ وَمَازَحَ وَهَازَلَ لِيُعْطِيَ الزَّوْجَةَ وَالنَّفْسَ حَقَّهُمَا، وَإِنْ خَلَا بِأَطْفَالِهِ خَرَجَ فِي صُورَةِ طِفْلٍ، وَيُهْجِرُ فِي ذَلِكَ الْوَقْتِ
“When a wise man is alone with his wife, instead of pretending to be a respected elder, he leaves his wisdom in some corner and enjoys playful joking and laughter with her, thereby giving both himself and his wife their due rights. When he is with his children, he becomes a child himself.”
al Funun li Ibn Aqil quoted by Ibn Mufleh in Adaab al shariyah 3/239 via Hafiz Muhammad Tahir.
N) A husband’s harsh behavior is maybe a reason of her rebellious behaviour.
Shaykh ul Arab wal Ajam Badi ud din Shah Sindhee taking class of men. Repost.
He said:
🍃 – *”عورتوں کے ساتھ جو بے جا سختی کرتے ہیں اسلام نے اس سے بھی روکا ہے، ہم نے دیکھا ہے کہ ذرا ذرا سی بات پر لوگ اپنی عورتوں کو گالیاں دیتے ہیں، جھڑکتے ہیں، مارتے ہیں، خود گالیاں دے کر ان کو بدزبان اور بے حیا بناتے ہیں، پھر عورتوں میں بھی سرکشی آ جاتی ہے، وہ بھی نافرمانی کرنے لگتی ہیں، وہ بھی آگے سے ترکی بہ ترکی جواب دیتی ہیں، تو اس کا سبب کون بنا، مرد بنے، کیونکہ نہ وہ ایسا سلوک کرتے نہ ان میں سرکشی پیدا ہوتی۔“*
Islam also forbids unnecessarily severe (treatment) with women. We have seen that people abuse their women on small things fight them and beat them. They make them abusive and (sometimes even) vulgar by insulting them themselves. Then rebellion comes in women too and they start disobeying, and countering them. Who is responsible for this? (Obviously) Men.
📚 [ شیخ العرب والعجم سید بدیع الدین شاہ راشدی رَحِمَهُ ٱللَّٰهُ,|| اسلام میں عورت کا مقام : ٤٨ ]
O) In hanafi fiqh, he is also liable to tazeer, even he unjustifiably beats her lightly.
3. قال في البحر وصرحوا بأنه إذا ضربها بغير حق وجب عليه التعزير اه أي وإن لم يكن فاحشا
In Al-Bahr, it is explicitly stated that If he strikes her without justification, he must be disciplined, even if it was not severe (From Radd al-Muhtar, Dar Ihya al-Turath al-Arabi, vol. 4, p. 79)
P) People often quote 4 : 34 to beat rebellious wives because men are Qawwam.
In short, it is about rebellious wives who do ill conduct. And beating is at last resort with a folded handkerchief or tap with a siwak, even that is not recommended.
Q) Even slight beating is not recommended.
Ata quoted from ibn Abbas that it is beating from toothstick, but Ata himself said:
قال عطاء: لا يضربها وإن أمرها ونهاها فلم تطعه، ولكن يغضب عليها. قال القاضي: هذا من فقه عطاء، فإنه من فهمه بالشريعة ووقوفه على مظان الاجتهاد علم أن الأمر بالضرب هاهنا أمر إباحة، ووقف على الكراهية من طريق أخرى في قول النبي – صلى الله عليه وسلم – في حديث عبد الله بن زمعة: «إني لأكره للرجل يضرب أمته عند غضبه، ولعله أن يضاجعها من يومه
Ata’ said: He should not beat her, even if he orders her and forbids her and she doesn’t obey him; instead, he should be angry with her. Al-Qadi said: This is an example of Ata’s understanding of jurisprudence, as he comprehends the Sharia and is aware of the areas of ijtihad (independent reasoning). He knows that the command to hit in this context is a permission, and he is also aware of the dislike (of hitting) through another narration of the Prophet’s hadith, where Abdullah bin Zam’ah reported the Prophet (peace be upon him) saying: “I dislike it for a man to beat his wife in anger, and then he might sleep with her on the same day.”
Ibn al-‘Arabi, Ahkam al-Qur’an, (Beirut: Dar al-Kotob al-‘Ilmiyyah, 2003) Vol.1, 536; before Qaḍi Ibn al-‘Arabi (d. 543/1148), Abu Ishaq al-Jahḍami (d. 282/896) recorded the statement of ‘Ata’ with complete isnad, see al-Jahḍami, Abu Ishaq, Ahkam al-Qur’an, (Beirut: Dar Ibn Hazm, 2005) 113 No. 112. (Credits: Waqar akbar cheema)
Imam ash-Shafiee and al Nawawi said about this slight beating:
: فتركه أفضل
it is better to leave (the beating even lightly). (See Tafseer al Kabeer under 4 : 64 and Sharh Saheeh Muslim ( 15 / 84 )
R) Meaning of Qaawwam
Al Qurtubi said:
وإذا لم يكن قَوّاماً عليها كان لها فسخ العقد؛ لزوال المقصود الذي شُرع لأجله النكاح. وفيه دلالة واضحةٌ من هذا الوجه على ثبوت فسخ النكاح عند الإعسار بالنفقة والكسوة؛ وهو مذهب مالك والشافعي. وقال أبو حنيفة؛ لا يفسخ؛ لقوله تعالى:
{ وَإِن كَانَ ذُو عُسْرَةٍ فَنَظِرَةٌ إِلَىٰ مَيْسَرَةٍ }
[البقرة: 280] وقد تقدّم القول في هذا في هذه السورة.If a Man who is unable to spend on her then he is not “Qawwam” (In charge) of her. And when he is not “Qawwam” on her then it is allowed for her to terminate the contract, because the aim of marriage is not fulfilled due to which Nikah is prescribed. This verse is the evidence of terminating the nikah when one is unable to spend on maintenance. This is the saying of Imam Malik and ash-Shafiee, but Imam Abu Hanifa said: Nikah should not be terminated because Allah says: “And if someone is in hardship, then [let there be] postponement until [a time of] ease.” (al Baqarah verse 280) The tafsir on this verse is already mentioned before . [Tafsir al Qurtubi under 4:34]
the same verse states:
فإن أطعنكم فلا تبغوا عليهن سبيلا
But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them.
Mulla Ali al Qari said:
أي أزيلوا عنهن التعرض بالأذى والتوبيخ وتوبوا عليهن واجعلوا ما كان منهن كأن لم يكن
Stop harming and scolding them, and be kind and forget what they did as if it did not happen.
(Mirqaat al Mafateeh hadith number: 3267-68)
Al Qurtubi said:
{ فَلاَ تَبْغُواْ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلاً } أي لا تَجْنُوا عليهن بقولٍ أو فعلٍ. وهذا نهيٌ عن ظلمهن..
“do not be unjust to them.” Meaning is, do not offend them with your words or practice. And this is to forbid (men) from oppressing them..
(Tafsir Al Qurtubi under 4 : 34)
S) The order of Prophet peace be upon him.
Muslim recorded that Jabir said that during the Farewell Hajj, the Prophet said;
(Fear Allah regarding women, for they are your assistants. You have the right on them that they do not allow any person whom you dislike to step on your mat. However, if they do that, you are allowed to discipline them lightly. They have a right on you that you provide them with their provision and clothes, in a reasonable manner.) (End quote)
No husband would like if he is outside and his wife allow anyone he dislikes to visit his house. In another hadith Prophet peace be upon him said about a righteous wife:
“when you are absent, she protects her honor and your property.”)
T) The order of verse must be followed.
And even if someone opt for beating lightly then he should follow the verse, and not directly start SLIGHT beating as Mosuaat al Fiqhiya 10/23-24 states:
طرق تأديب الزّوجة :
أ. الوعظ .
ب. الهجر في المضجع .
ج. الضّرب غير المبرّح .
وهذا التّرتيب واجب عند جمهور الفقهاء
Methods of disciplining the wife:
a. preach (that what you did is extremely wrong etc)
B. (If she still doing misconduct) Abandon (her) in the bed (so that she may think, what she did is an ill conduct).
c. (Even if that does not work then) beating lightly (like a tap with miswak or tooth brush).
This arrangement is obligatory for the majority of jurists (end quote)
U) Wife can demand her rights if the husband does not fulfill her rights.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen may Allaah have mercy upon him said:
“In brief, these words that were mentioned in the Hadeeth are general, but they are restricted to the husband fulfilling his wife’s rights. If he does not fulfill her rights, then she is entitled to demand her rights and deny his rights in the same manner that he denies her rights; Allaah says (what means): {So whoever has assaulted you, then assault him in the same way that he has assaulted you.} [Quran 2:194] Allaah says (what means): {And if you punish [an enemy, O believers], punish with an equivalent of that with which you were harmed.} [Quran 16:126]” [End of quote] [Taken from Islamweb]