𝑼𝒏𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑴𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔-𝒊𝒏-𝑳𝒂𝒘 𝒊𝒏 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆.
1. Mother in Law inspects the white bedsheet for traces of blood after the wedding night.
2. It’s either me or your wife.
3. Mother in law going to daughter in law’s room without her consent.
4. What if the oppressed daughter-in-law supplicates against the oppressive mother-in-law?
1. 𝑴𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝑳𝒂𝒘 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒅𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕.
Shaykh Ali Mahfooz said:
There exists a filthy and degrading tradition where the mother-in-law and others inspects the white bedsheet for traces of blood after the wedding night. It is one of the remnants of Jaahiliyyah. See Al-Ibdaa’ fi Madaar al-Ibtidaa’ (p. 265), Dar al-I’tisaam by Shaykh Ali Mahfooz, Islamqa
2. 𝑰𝒕’𝒔 𝒆𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆.
Ibn Uthaymeen rahimahullah said:
وإلا لكان بعض الوالدين يأمر ولده بما يضره ولاسيما الأمهات، الأم إذا رأت من ابنها أنه يحب الزوجة صارت الزوجة كأنها ضرة لها بعضهن يصرح يقول: إما أنا أو هي
“Some parents order their sons to do things that are harmful to their married lives especially mothers. If a mother sees that her son loves his wife, she may view the wife as a rival, and some of them explicitly say, ‘It’s either me or her.’”
(Fath al-Jalil wa al-Ikram, 6/286)
3. 𝑴𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒂𝒘 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒂𝒘’𝒔 𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒎 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕.
Shaykh Muhammad bin Saleh Uthaymeen was asked:
Can a mother-in-law enter the room of her daughter-in-law when she is absent? And can she take whatever she wants from that room, claiming that it is her son’s property?
He replied:
: لا يحل لأم الزوج أن تدخل الغرفة الخاصة بزوجته؛ لأن هذه من الأسرار التي لا يحل للإنسان الإطلاع عليها. وإنني انصح أم هذا الزوج أن تتقي الله تعالى في نفسها. وأن لا تتسلط على هذه المسكينة الأسيرة؛لأن الزوجة مع الزوج كالأسير مع آسره؛ ..فعلى هذه الأم أن تتقي الله عز وجل في نفسها، وأن لا تؤذي هذه المرأة؛ فإن الله تعالى قال في كتابه العزيز: ﴿وَالَّذِينَ يُؤْذُونَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ بِغَيْرِ مَا اكْتَسَبُوا فَقَدِ احْتَمَلُوا بُهْتَاناً وَإِثْماً مُبِيناً﴾.
It is not allowed for a mother-in-law to enter the private room of her daughter-in-law in her absence, because it is her personal space. Spying and intrusion into private matters are not permitted in Islam.
I advise this mother-in-law to fear Allah and not to oppress this poor, vulnerable woman…
Therefore, the mother-in-law should fear Allah regarding herself and should not harm the daughter-in-law. Allah says:
“And those who harm believing men and believing women without any justification will bear the burden of slander and a clear sin.”
(Surah al-Ahzab 33:58) “Fatawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb by al-‘Uthaymeen, Volume 2, page 24.”
4. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒅𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓-𝒊𝒏-𝒍𝒂𝒘 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓-𝒊𝒏-𝒍𝒂𝒘?
Ibn Uthaymeen said:
وربما تكون أذيتها لهذه المرأة سبباً لفراق الزوج لها، فتكون بمنزلة السحرة الذين يتعلمون من السحر ما يفرقون به بين المرء وزوجه، ثم إنها في هذه الحال، أي في حال تسلطها على زوجة ابنها بغير حق تكون ظالمة، وللزوجة أن تدعو عليها؛ لقول النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم لمعاذ بن جبل حين أرسله لليمن قال: «اتق دعوة المظلوم فإنه ليس بينها وبين الله حجاب». ولتعلم هذه الأم أنها إذا ظلمت ودعت المظلومة عليها فسيجب الله دعوتها ولو بعد حين. ربما لا يكون الدعاء مستجاب بسرعة لكن لابد من نصر المظلوم الذي لجأ إلى الله ولو بعد حين.
At times, such oppression becomes a cause of separation between husband and wife. In such cases, the mother-in-law resembles those who seek to create discord between spouses, similar to the role of sorcery mentioned in the Qur’an causing separation between husband and wife.
Moreover, if this mother-in-law continues to dominate and oppress her daughter-in-law, the oppressed woman may supplicate against her. The Prophet ﷺ said to Mu‘adh ibn Jabal when sending him to Yemen:
“Beware of the supplication of the oppressed, for there is no barrier between it and Allah.”
Therefore, this mother-in-law should remember that if she oppresses her daughter-in-law and the oppressed woman makes du‘a against her, Allah will surely respond either immediately or after some time. Sometimes the response is delayed, but when the oppressed turns sincerely to Allah, Allah grants help, even if it comes later.
“Fatawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb by al-‘Uthaymeen, Volume 2, page 24.”
Note: The above post refers only to oppressive and dominating mothers-in-law; not everyone is like that.