Contents
a) What if the guardian is preventing the woman to marry the suitor of her choice who is suitable for her, and forcing her to marry the man of his interest?
b) An interesting narration about a marriage where a girl was not willing to Marry Ibn Umar ra.
c) How do we know about a consent of girl when she remain silent regarding her marriage? Better inform her about this.
d) Imam Ahmad’s reaction on the birth of the daughters.
e) The advice of a Tabiyee to his daughter.
f) Why Allah mentioned daughters before Sons?
g) So if a woman ask, what will she get in paradise?
h) The Importance of Mahr
i) Marrying the daughters to good looking men.
j) Thinking wrong about women.
k) Ibn Masood and his daughter.
l) Allah loves the one having daughters.
m) Jihad not binding of the one having 3 daughters.
a) What if the guardian is preventing the woman to marry the suitor of her choice who is suitable for her, and forcing her to marry the man of his interest?
Ibn Abbas said:
أن رجلاً قال : يا رسول الله ، في حجري يتيمة قد خطبها رجل موسر ورجل معدم ، فنحن نحب الموسر ، وهي تحب المعدم ، فقال – صلى الله عليه وسلم – : لم ير للمتحابين مثل النكاح
A Man said: O Messenger of Allah, I have raised an Orphan girl and there are two proposals for her, a Rich and a poor. I want her to marry the rich person but she wants to marry the poor one, what should I do?
the Messenger of Allah said: “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.”
[Mustadrak al Haakim 2/160, Bayhaqi in Kitab al Nikah 7/78, al Albani authenticated in as-Saheeha and in Saheeh al Jaam`e]
Shaykh al Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
وإذا رضيت رجلا وكان كفؤا لها وجب على وليها كالأخ ثم العم أن يزوجها به فإن عضلها وامتنع من تزويجها زوجها الولي الأبعد منه أو الحاكم بغير إذنه باتفاق العلماء فليس للولي أن يجبرها على نكاح من لا ترضاه ولا يعضلها عن نكاح من ترضاه إذا كان كفؤا باتفاق الأئمة وإنما يجبرها ويعضلها أهل الجاهلية والظلمة الذين يزوجون نساءهم لمن يختارونه لغرض لا لمصلحة المرأة ويكرهونها على ذلك أو يخجلونها حتى تفعل ويعضلونها عن نكاح من يكون كفؤا لها لعداوة
أو غرض وهذا كله من عمل الجاهلية والظلم والعدوان وهو مما حرمه الله ورسوله واتفق المسلمون على تحريمه وأوجب الله على أولياء النساء أن ينظروا في مصلحة المرأة لا في أهواءهم كسائر الأولياء والوكلاء ممن تصرف لغيره فإنه يقصد مصلحة من تصرف له لا يقصد هواه فإن هذا من الأمانة التي أمر الله أن تؤدي إلى أهلها فقال إن الله يأمركم أن تؤدوا الأمانات إلى أهلها وإذا حكمتم بين الناس أن تحكموا بالعدل وهذا من النصيحة الواجبة وقد قال النبي الدين النصيحة الدين النصيحة الدين النصيحة قالوا لمن يا رسول الله قال لله ولكتابه ولرسوله ولأئمة المسلمين وعامتهم والله أعلم
And when she is willing to marry a man and he is also suitable for her, then it is obligation on her guardian that he should marry her with him, and if he (the guardian) stops her from getting married or refrain from it, then according to the agreement of the scholars the next closest relative or the Haakim will make her nikah without the permission of first guardian. Those who prevent her (from getting married where she is willing) and forcing her (to marry other person) are on the way of oppressors at the time of ignorance, who in their guardianship wants the women to marry those people who are not accepted by women rather they are accepted by themselves. Then they force her and make her ashamed until she marries a person of their choice, and they stop her from marrying a suitable person for her due to their enmity or any other purpose. All of this is the practice of the days of al Jaahiliyah and oppression and enmity, which is prohibited according to Allah and his Messenger (peace be upon him), and It is prohibited according to the consensus of the scholars. Allah obligates the guardians of women to see the interest of women rather than following their desires… This is the same amanah which Allah mentioned that it is obligatory to fulfill.
“Indeed, Allah commands you to render trusts to whom they are due and when you judge between people to judge with justice.” [4:58]
This well wishing (Sincerity) is obligation as the Messenger of Allah said:
“Religion is sincerity, religion is sincerity (Al-Nasihah), religion is sincerity.” They said; “To whom, O Messenger of Allah?” He said: “To Allah, to His Book, to His Messenger, to the imams of the Muslims and to their common folk.” [Sunan an-Nasa’i 4199] and Allah knows best.[Majmu al Fatawa (32/52-53)]
b) An interesting narration about a marriage where a girl was not willing to Marry Ibn Umar ra.
It is for those who say, we want good for our daughter who can not take decesion, that is why her consent is not that important.
Ibn Umar ra said:
توفي عثمان بن مظعون وترك ابنة له من خويلة بنت حكيم بن أمية بن حارثة بن الأوقص قال وأوصى إلى أخيه قدامة بن مظعون قال عبد الله وهما خالاي قال فمضيت إلى قدامة بن مظعون أخطب ابنة عثمان بن مظعون فزوجنيها ودخل المغيرة بن شعبة يعني إلى أمها فأرغبها في المال فحطت إليه وحطت الجارية إلى هوى أمها فأبيا حتى ارتفع أمرهما إلى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال قدامة بن مظعون يا رسول الله ابنة أخي أوصى بها إلي فزوجتها ابن عمتها عبد الله بن عمر فلم أقصر بها في الصلاح ولا في الكفاءة ولكنها امرأة وإنما حطت إلى هوى أمها قال فقال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم هي يتيمة ولا تنكح إلا بإذنها قال فانتزعت والله مني بعد أن ملكتها فزوجوها المغيرة بن شعبة
When Uthman bin Maz`oon ra died, he left a daughter from Khuwayla bint Hakeem. Uthman had a wasiyah that his brother Qudama bin Maz`oon will be wali of his daughter after his death.
Ibn Umar ra said: Uthman and Qudama are my maternal uncles, I asked from Qudama bin Maz`oon the hand of his niece, and Qudama did her nikah with me.
Her mother wanted to marry her daughter with Mugheera bin Sho`ba because he was rich, and her daughter was also in agreement with her mother.
When the matter came to the Prophet peace be upon him, Qudama bin Maz`oon said:
O Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) she is the daughter of my brother who advised that I am her guardian after him, so i did her nikah with the son of her paternal aunt, Ibn Umar. I have not left anything to find a good suitor for her. She is a girl and following her mother (who wanted to marry her with Mugheera bin Sho`ba).
The Prophet peace be upon him said: She is an orphan, do not marry her without her consent.
Ibn Umar ra said: She was taken from me even though we had a nikah, and then they did her nikah with Mugheera bin Sho`bah. [Musnad Ahmad 17/181, Shuaib al Arna`oot said: The chain is Hasan, Ahmad Shakir authenticated, al Haythamee said: Narrated by Ahmad and Its narrators are trustworthy”]
The narration of Ibn Maja which is short states
It was narrated from Ibn Umar that:
. أَنَّهُ حِينَ هَلَكَ عُثْمَانُ بْنُ مَظْعُونٍ تَرَكَ ابْنَةً لَهُ . قَالَ ابْنُ عُمَرَ فَزَوَّجَنِيهَا خَالِي قُدَامَةُ وَهُوَ عَمُّهَا وَلَمْ يُشَاوِرْهَا وَذَلِكَ بَعْدَ مَا هَلَكَ أَبُوهَا فَكَرِهَتْ نِكَاحَهُ وَأَحَبَّتِ الْجَارِيَةُ أَنْ يُزَوِّجَهَا الْمُغِيرَةَ بْنَ شُعْبَةَ فَزَوَّجَهَا إِيَّاهُ .
when Uthman bin Mazun died, he left behind a daughter. Ibn Umar said: “My maternal uncle Qudamah, who was her paternal uncle, married me to her, but he did not consult her. That was after her father had died. She did not like this marriage, and the girl wanted to marry Mughirah bin Shubah, so she married him.”[Ibn Maja Hadith 1878]
When the nikah was invalidated from one of the best man Ibn Umar ra because there was no consent of the girl. Then think about the nikah done with other people without the consent?
c) How do we know about a consent of girl when she remain silent regarding her marriage? Better inform her about this.
1. Abul Abbas Qurtubi said:
وقد استحب علماؤنا أن تعرّف البكر أنّ سكوتها محمول منها على الإذن، ليكون ذلك زيادة في تعريفها، وتنبيهاً لها على ما يخاف ان تجهله
It is good according to our scholars that the virgin should be informed that her silence will be considered her consent.. and to alert her so that there will be no fear of ignorance. [al Mufhim 4/118]
2. Ibn Hibban said:
ذِكْرُ الإِخْبَارِ عَمَّا يَجِبُ عَلَى الأَوْلِيَاءِ مِنَ اسْتِئْمَارِ النِّسَاءِ أَنْفُسِهِنَّ إِذَا أَرَادُوا عَقْدَ النِّكَاحِ عَلَيْهِنَّ
أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ اللهِ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ الأَزْدِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، أَخْبَرَنَا مُصْعَبُ بْنُ الْمِقْدَامِ، حَدَّثَنَا زَائِدَةُ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: تُسْتَأْمَرُ الْيَتِيمَةُ فِي نَفْسِهَا، فَإِنْ سَكَتَتْ فَهُوَ رِضَاهَا، وَإِنَّ أَبَتْ فَلاَ جَوَازَ عَلَيْهَا.
The hadith regarding obligation of taking consent from women by their Auliya when they want them to get married.
It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said:
“The Messenger of Allah said: ‘An orphan girl should be consulted with regard to marriage, and if she remains silent, that is her permission. If she refuses then she is not to be forced.'” [Saheeh Ibn Hibban no. 4079]
3. Imam al Bukhari said:
لاَ يُنْكِحُ الأَبُ وَغَيْرُهُ الْبِكْرَ وَالثَّيِّبَ إِلاَّ بِرِضَاهَا
The father or the guardian cannot give a virgin or matron in marriage without her consent.
Narrated `Aisha:
I said, “O Allah’s Messenger (Peace be upon him)! A virgin feels shy.” He said, “Her consent is (expressed by) her silence.” [Sahih al-Bukhari 5137]
d) Imam Ahmad’s reaction on the birth of the daughters.
Ibn al Qayyim said:
وقال صالح بن أحمد : كان أبي إذا ولد له ابنة يقول : الأنبياء كانوا آباء بنات . ويقول : قد جاء في البنات ما قد علمت .
وقال يعقوب بن بختان : ولد لي سبع بنات ، فكنت كلما ولد لي ابنة دخلت على أحمد بن حنبل فيقول لي : يا أبا يوسف ، الأنبياء آباء بنات ؛ فكان يذهب قوله همي
Saaleh bin Ahmad said: Whenever a daughter would born to my father (Ahmad bin Hanbal), He would say: The Prophets were the fathers of the daughters, and You know what is mentioned regarding them (in Quran and sunnah).
Yaqub bin Bakhtan said: I had 7 daughters and Imam Ahmad would come to me and say: O Abu Yusaf: The Prophets were fathers of the daughters, His saying would relief my sorrow. [Tuhfa tul Mawdood page 26]
e) The advice of a Tabiyee to his daughter.
Asma bin Kharija al Fazari (one of the tabiyee and poet) said to his daughter while advising her regarding her marriage life that I said to your mother:
خُذِي العَفْوَ منّى تستديمي مودّتي … ولا تنطقي في سوْرَتِي حينَ أغضبُ
ولا تَنْقٌرِيني نَقْرَةَ الدُّفِّ مَرَّةً … فإنّك لا تدرِين كيفَ الْمُغَيّبُ
فإنّي رأيتُ الحبّ في القلب والأذى … إذا اجتمعا لم يَلْبث الحبُّ يذهبُ
When I do a mistake Forgive me, you will get my eternal love, Do not argue with me when I am in extreme anger, Do not hurt me like beating the duff, because you don’t know (how bad) is separation (of husband and wife). I have seen that when hate and love gather together in the heart then the love fades away.
[النَّفَقَةُ عَلَى الْعَيِالِ by Ibn Abi Duniya no. 133, بهجة المجالس وأنس المجالس by Ibn Abdul Barr (1/185)]
f) Why Allah mentioned daughters before Sons?
Interesting commentary of Ibn al Qayyim on Surah ash-Shura verse 49.
Allah says
“For Allah is the Kingdom of the heavens and the earth, He creates whatever He likes. He bestows daughters onwhomsoever He likes and He bestows sons on whomsoever He likes.” [ash-Shura verse 49]
Ibn al Qayyim commented:
وعندي وجه آخر : وهو أنه سبحانه قدم ما كانت تؤخره الجاهلية من أمر البنات حتى كانوا يئدوهن أي هذا النوع المؤخر عندكم مقدم عندي في الذكر
According to me there is another reason of this (i.e. mentioning of daughters before sons): Allah gives priority to daughters who were forsaken by the people of ignorance, The reason was to tell the people that this worthless type according to you should be forsaken, but according to me they have a priority to (even) mention them first. [Tuhfatul Mawdood bi Ahkam al Mawlood by Ibn al Qayyim page 20]
Even though there is nothing like Men vs Women in Islam, but see how Allah taught the people at the time when they used to bury them alive, and considered them worthless.
g) So if a woman ask, what will she get in paradise?
Answer.
“And therein is whatever the souls desire and [what] delights the eyes.” (43:71)
“Therein you shall have (all) that your inner-selves desire” (Surah Fussilat:31-32)
There is no injustice for women.
“If any do deeds of righteousness, be they male or female, and have faith, they will enter Jannah, and not the least injustice will be done to them.” (Surah an-Nisa:124)
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet, said, “Allah said, ‘I have prepared for My pious worshipers such things as no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard of, and nobody has ever thought of. All that is reserved, besides which, all that you have seen, is nothing.” Then he recited:– ‘No soul knows what is kept hidden (in reserve) for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do.’ (32.17)
Sahih al Bukhari , Hadith 4780
Prophet peace be upon him said: “‘If Allah admits you into Paradise, you will have in it whatever is desired by your soul and pleasing to your eye.'” [Silsilah as-Saheeha hadeeth no. 3001]
In simple words, Whatever you want and have not even imagined yet, you will get it. Your destination should be jannah.
Note: In Paradise, there will be no evil looks or sickness of the heart.
h) The Importance of Mahr
The Prophet peace be upon him said:
” أَيُّمَا رَجُلٍ تَزَوَّجَ امْرَأَةً عَلَى مَا قَلَّ مِنَ الْمَهْرِ أَوْ كَثُرَ لَيْسَ فِي نَفْسِهِ أَنْ يُؤَدِّيَ إِلَيْهَا حَقَّهَا خَدَعَهَا ، فَمَاتَ ، وَلَمْ يُؤَدِّ إِلَيْهَا حَقَّهَا لَقِيَ اللَّهَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَهُوَ زَانٍ ، وَأَيُّمَا رَجُلٍ اسْتَدَانَ دَيْنًا لا يُرِيدُ أَنْ يُؤَدِّيَ إِلَى صَاحِبِهِ حَقَّهُ خَدْعَةً حَتَّى أَخَذَ مَالَهُ ، فَمَاتَ ، وَلَمْ يَرُدَّ إِلَيْهِ دِينَهُ لَقِيَ اللَّهَ وَهُوَ سَارِقٌ ”
Whoever marry’s a woman with the intention of not paying her Mahr whether it be a minimal amount or a huge amount, and he passes away in that state he will meet Allah as a fornicator. [Al Mu`jam al Sagheer at-Tabarani 1/43, al Awsat no. 1851, Majmau Zawaaid no. 7507, al Haythami said: The narratirs are trustworthy, declared Hasan by al Albani in Saheeh at-Targheeb wat-Tarheeb no. 1806]
i) Marrying the daughters to good looking men.
Ibn al Jawzi said in his book “Adaab an-Nisa:
وَاسْتُحِبَّ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ تَزْوِيجَ ابْنَتِهِ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ لَهَا شَابًّا مُسْتَحْسَنَ الصُّورَةِ؛ لِأَنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ تُحِبُّ مَا يُحِبُّ الرَّجُلُ
And it is recommended for anyone who wants to marry off his daughter, he should see for her a good looking young man; because women also love what the men love (i.e. good looking religious spouse). [As-Saffaareeni may Allaah have mercy upon him quoted in his book Ghitha’ Al-Albaab 2/391]
Then As-Saffaareeni attributed to Umar ibn al Khattab that he said:
” لَا تُنْكِحُوا الْمَرْأَةَ الْقَبِيحَ الدَّمِيمَ فَإِنَّهُنَّ يُحْبِبْنَ لِأَنْفُسِهِنَّ مَا تُحِبُّونَ لِأَنْفُسِكُمْ”
“Do not make your women marry the ugly, unsightly man, for they love for themselves what you love for yourselves.” [Ibid]
It is mentioned in al Musannaf Abdul Razzaq, Umar ra said:
” يعمد أحدكم إلى بنته فيزوجها القبيح ، إنهن يحببن ما تحبون ”
When anyone of you knowingly marry your daughter with an ugly man, (even though) she likes what you like for yourself. [ مصنف عبدالرزاق: كتاب النكاح 6/158.]
j) Thinking wrong about women.
Imam Al Rafiee said
ومن كان فاسقا أساء الظن بكل الفتيات !
The one who is himself a fasiq (sinner) thinks wrongly about every woman.
[وحيُ القلم : ١٨٣/١ ]k) Ibn Masood and his daughter.
al-Khara’iti narrated:
عَنْ أَبِي وَائِلٍ، قَالَ: أَقْبَلَتِ ابْنَةٌ لِعَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ مَسْعُودٍ، وَهِيَ جَارِيَةٌ صَغِيرَةٌ، فَضَمَّهَا إِلَى نَحْرِهِ، ثُمَّ قَبَّلَهَا، ثُمَّ قَالَ: يَا مَرْحَبًا، يَا سَتْرَ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ مِنَ النَّارِ،
Little daughter of Ibn Masood came to him while running, he took her, hugged and kissed her. And said, Ya Marhaba (Welcome) O protection of Abdullah from the fire. [Makarim al Akhlaq no. 634]
al Iraqi said the chain is weak.
إتحاف السادة المتقين بشرح إحياء علوم الدين 6/198
But the meaning is sahih as Prophet peace be upon him said:
“He who is involved (in the responsibility) of (bringing up) daughters, and he is benevolent towards them, they would become protection for him against Hell-fire”.
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. [Riyad as-Salihin 268l) Allah loves the one having daughters.
Ibn Uyanah narrated from Obaidullah (bin Umar) al Sa’di:
أنه بلغه أن الله يحب الرجل المبنات وكان لوط عليه السلام ذا بنات وكان شعيب عليه السلام ذا بنات وكان النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم ذا بنات
It has reached him that Allah loves a man with daughters. Lut Aleh salam had daughters, Shuayb aleh salam had daughters and Prophet peace be upon had daughters too.
(النفقۃ على العيال لابن أبي الدنيا : 95
m) Jihad and sadaqa not binding upon the one having 3 daughters.
az-Zuhri said
« من ابتلي بابنة فأحسن إليها أدخلته الجنة ومن ابتلي باثنتين فاحتسب فيهما الخير سترتاه من النار ومن ابتلي بثلاث فإنهم كانوا لا يرون عليه جهادا ولا صدقة »
Whoever is tested with a daughter and does good to her, he will be admitted to Paradise, and whoever is tested with two daughters and he seeks good (from Allah due to raising them) they will protect him from the Fire, and whoever is tested with three, they (Tabiyeen) did not see jihad or charity binding upon him.
(النفقۃ علی العیال لابن ابی الدنيا : 93 the chain is authentic as per the researcher of the book)